The real theater of the absurd —Am I waiting for Godot or just a chance to get a vaccine?

Yay, the vaccines are rolling out down the highways. Yay, time for Phase 1B, and I’m 69. Yep, registered with New Jersey for an appointment and updates.

Hum, no updates, better register again. Oh, I can’t be put on a list to receive the vaccine; I have to make the appointment myself; and I have to find an open appointment; and I should search other sources.

OK, nothing available at the county, but I’ll get opening alerts from Atlantic Health. I hope they don’t send a text; I don’t have a smartphone.

Yay, distribution expanded to some pharmacy. Oh, all booked — too slow on that one; better check more often; and Walgreens and Acme; yes, send me alerts and update. I’ll check more pharmacies. Oh, not available in my area. Fully booked. No appointments available. Try again another time.

Yay, appointments available at the county site. Oops, closed as I typed. Better check more often.

Updates available from Walgreens. Sure I’ll join. Nothing available in my area. Try again another time.

Nothing from the state.

Try again: Acme, Atlantic, CVS, Rite-Aid, Sussex, Shop-Rite, Walgreens, Walmart.

Good news: Murphy said 11 additional categories have been added to the competition.

Yay, appointments available at county site. Oh, the appointments filled as I typed.

Yay, new vaccine rolling out. Oh, no appointments available. Mostly going to other communities. Better check again another time.

Local update: George got a shot at Zufall.

Local update: 3 slots available in Monroe, N.Y., for New York.

Local update: Someone said someone found openings available 3 a.m. Yep, more opening at 4:45 a.m., but not around here. Set alarm to 4:30 a.m. and try again: Acme, Atlantic, CVS, Rite-Aid, Sussex, Shop-Rite, Walgreens, Walmart. Oh, not available in my area. Fully booked. No appointments available. Try again another time. Maybe I should check after my 2 a.m. pee.

Nothing from the state.

Yay, a Medicare Covid-19 Alert. Oh, I shouldn’t worry because the vaccine is free.

Yay, a government Covid-19 Alert. Oh, I shouldn’t hesitate about getting the vaccine.

Yay, Social Services helps seniors. Yes ma’am, I have a computer. Oh, I have to try other sites. Oh, I have to be patient. I hope they don’t send a text, I don’t have a smartphone.

Try again: Acme, Atlantic, CVS, Rite-Aid, Sussex, Shop-Rite, Walgreens, Walmart. Oh, the website says I have to wait 10 minutes to access the site. OK, I’ll wait. Yay, I’m there. Oh, all appointment are taken, try again another time.

Yes, send me alerts and update. Coming soon. Nothing from the state. Nothing from Atlantic. I hope they don’t send a text, I don’t have a smartphone.

Good news: Murphy said the competition will increase on March 15.

Good news: County will send an email when appointments are available. Oh, with no smartphone I’d better stay at my computer, with a loud message alert in case I take a break.

Try again: Acme, CVS, Rite-Aid, Shop-Rite, Walgreens, Walmart. Oh, the website says I have to wait 15 minutes to access the site. OK, I’ll wait. Yay, I’m there. Oh, all appointments are taken. Try again another time. Fully booked. Not yet available in my area.

Good news: Murphy said the competition will increase again on March 29.

Yay, county site sent an email alert. I’m here. I’m in. I’m there. Yes, Saturday 10:45, next, next, next. Oh, all appointments are taken.

Maybe I should take a typing lesson.

Agatha Wyman

Highland Lakes