Still the one

Marybeth and Tim Schlichting

The Warwick couple met at a campus bar at Niagara University 47 years ago and were engaged two months later.

How did you meet?

Tim: I was shooting pool. She was standing there. I’d never seen her before. I was smart enough to strike up a conversation. She let me walk her back to her dorm and I proposed two months later.

Marybeth: When we got engaged my mother was like “It was two months!” But we were sure.

Tim: I’m still sure.

Marybeth: It’s been a great journey.

How do you handle conflict when it inevitably arises?

Tim: I was lucky enough to find perhaps the most patient and caring person I’ve ever met. And that day, I learned to shut up and listen. My life got a lot better, and I think ours together did as well.

Marybeth: He’s very good at just walking away and diffusing things. But at the end of the day, there’s no 50/50. You know, some days it’s 90/10, some days it’s 70/30, some days it’s 100/0, but there’s always a balance and I’ve learned to be a little bit more forgiving and understanding. Years really will do that.

What is it about your spouse that you love most?

Marybeth: His willingness to give himself to people. I admire that so much his work ethic absolutely and his genuine kindness. Those three things I think really contributed to me.

Tim: I traveled all over the country, met thousands and thousands of people and she’s still the best person I’ve ever met.

What goals did you have in the beginning that helped you stay married so long?

Tim: We were both workaholics – you know, get through the day, get the kids to school, help with the homework, go to the soccer fields - and 40 years goes by very quickly when you’re doing that. COVID was a very enlightening time. I retired at that point and it was like, oh, we’re going to be here every day with each other. It turned out to be so cool that we had a day to sleep a little late or watch a late movie or cook. This year we said we’re going to step back a little bit and we’re going to go back to COVID protocol [to] spend more time together – and we’re loving it.

What advice would you give young couples today?

Marybeth: I would say don’t go into some things with a very staunch preconceived idea of what it should be because marriage has so many ups and downs and ends and outs that you really must be flexible and grow with it. Go in it knowing that the person you have respects you cares about you and is willing to listen. We all soften as we give up certain things, but control isn’t something that in a marriage really one person can have. The remote is one thing but being able to be flexible, listening, and understanding their needs are just as important.

Susan and Jim Foley

The Monroe couple will celebrate an anniversary this month – almost 50 years to the day after they met on a playground as teenagers.

How did you come to see each other as best friends?

James: She knows what I’m thinking. I know what she’s thinking. We know each other very well inside and out.

Susan: I’ll happen to go to the store. We’ll both buy the same thing because we both knew we were short on it or something and he didn’t know I was going to the store and I didn’t know he was going.

James: We work well together. The perfect combination.

What secrets do you have to have a long-lasting relationship?

James: I would say it’s mutual understanding. You know? We’ve never really argued over anything. Never argued over money.

Susan: Whether we had it or didn’t.

James: If we had it, she spent it.

Susan: Yeah, but never on myself.

James: This is true. But I mean, you know it’s just a mutual understanding of a give and take. Yeah, we compromise. You know, it’s not a one-sided average.

Who controls the T.V. Remote?

Susan: We each go to our own rooms when we want to watch something special.

James: Exactly, I like history science, the whole works. She likes Judge Judy.

Susan: So, we’ll we watch some shows together. And then if there’s something on that he really wants, we’ll put it on. If I don’t want to watch it, I’ll just go upstairs.

James: It’s perfect. See, that’s how you compromise.

Susan: Yeah, for 10 minutes and then he goes to sleep and then I switch it.

What do you think that has helped your relationship last so long?

Susan: Well, he’s an excellent cook. He does all the cooking. I do the dishes. We can work together. He’s my one and only.

James: It’s not only a marriage right there, but she’s my best friend. That’s how you must look at it.

Susan: We grew up together.

James: And now we’re growing old together.

Susan: We love each other very much. We’ll do anything for each other. We do anything for our kids. I don’t know what else I have to say, but I love you.

Kathy and Ray Barry

Married for 50 years, they raised their family and now are helping raising their grandchildren in Chester.

How did you meet?

Kathy: He was my brother’s friend.

Ray: Whatever he did, sometimes I tagged along. He took me to Kathy because he was going out with [her] best friend, Sharon, so it was like we were double dating a lot and then it just kept rolling along.

How do you settle conflict?

Ray: The first thing we do is argue. The second thing that I do is go for a walk. And the third thing I do is come home and hope she’s asleep and I can go to bed. We pick it up in the morning slightly, but not as bad.

Kathy: Always let it settle a bit and revisit when things are not as bad.

Ray: Not nearly as bad, but I’m definitely a walk away kind of person.

Kathy: But we always kiss goodnight, even if you’re angry and I’m angry. Even if it’s not a big kiss.

What is the secret to a long-lasting relationship?

Ray: Always remember what brought you together, it will keep you together.

Kathy: They always say: remember why you fall in love and what made you attracted to them. I just always loved him and still do probably more now. You have to have love and you’ve got to fight for it sometimes. It’s a struggle but...

Ray: It’s worth it.

Kathy: I also think it’s important that you love each other. You know, because things that he does annoy me and things I do I know annoy him.

Ray: We don’t always like each other.

Kathy: But the love is strong right? You don’t always have to like somebody, if you love them.

Ray: And that’s what always brings us back.

What is it about your spouse that you love the most?

Kathy: I was lucky enough to find a man whose very kind, considerate. He’s loving. He’s a fantastic husband. He’s a fabulous father, but he’s just a great person and there’s just nothing that I can say more about him. He’s a good man.

Ray: I just love her. I never, never thought of why, but she’s fun to be with. She’s always laughing. She’s great with people. I’m the quiet one and she’s the talkative one. She’s the head of the party I’m the wallflower, but I just love her and that’s ultimately what makes it work.

Kathy: Our little granddaughter said the reason that Nanny and Pop-Pop love each other so much is because Nanny talks and Pop-Pop listens. That’s pretty much how it’s always been.

Muriel and Doug MacLean

Now watching their grandkids get married and have children of their own, the Goshen couple will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary on April 7, 2023.

How did you meet?

Muriel: We first met back in 1958. I was part of a girl group that’s related to the Masonic groups and he was part of the boys group. We just kind of hung out together. It kept getting more and more serious.

Doug: I graduated in ‘62 and you finished up around that time. And here we are today. It just kind of slowly evolved. That’s all life has been – one big evolution.

What are some things that you were looking for in a partner that you found in each other?

Muriel: We just seem to, I think, just get along.

Doug: We both like bowling.

Muriel: Oh yeah, similar interests. Before all the physical ailments set in, we used to play a lot of tennis together.

What’s a favorite memory you share?

Doug: We went out in the canoe one night. Turned it over and she went in.

Muriel: We weren’t even married then.

Doug: But it couldn’t have been a worse spot because the whole bottom was just pure mud.

Muriel: I think of all the trips that we took after we retired. We took a cruise of the Baltic Sea. And the Norwegian fiords. I don’t like the canoe one. I came up soaking wet and I was angry.

Doug: It was funny!

What are you the proudest of in your marriage?

Muriel: I personally am the proudest of my kids and grandkids. Our daughter and our son turned out to be good, responsible citizens, and their kids are good, responsible citizens. And what more can you ask for, really?

Doug: I agree with you.

What is it about your spouse that you love most?

Muriel: He takes good care of me really because I was medically challenged for quite a while. I had a bad back. And boy, he did everything. He cooked, he cleaned - the whole nine yards. So, he takes good care of me.

Doug: In return for what you did for me. Yes, sir – she took care of me.

What advice do you have for young couples today?

Muriel: You must work at it. You can’t just slide by and think “oh I must have everything my way.” It’s compromise. Compromise and communication.

Doug: Yes, she is right.